


At the End of Instrumentality

by soupysoop



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Character Study, Gen, brief continuation of the end of eva, pov asuka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:21:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupysoop/pseuds/soupysoop
Summary: Shinji and Asuka on the beach, and Asuka thinks





	At the End of Instrumentality

**Author's Note:**

> im always thinking and theorizing what asuka might be thinking at the ending of EoE...its always shifting and changing but I thought i'd actually write it down for once. hope you enjoy! its reaaaal short

The end of the world, it seems, was as complex as the blinking an eye. She was fighting, she was winning, she was being torn to pieces, and when everything went black, it went white. A blink of an eye. Synapses fired, the nervous system went insane for those split seconds, and then a blink of an eye. She was lying on her back, only one eye to blink. The pain is gone, a heavy sensation replacing it. 

 

It’s depressing? Not really. Disgusting, that he decided to save the world the only way he knew how. Losing it, destroying it, rejecting it into renewal seconds before it fell apart. A fetus torn from its incubation. Fleshy, empty, hellish in its beauty. She didn't need to look around to know. Humanities rebirth was merely saving it seconds before it’s death. So pathetic.

 

The moon is streaked in blood. She wonders if Ayanami would be disturbed, what a stupid thought.

 

Would she had blown up? Asuka isn't a martyr. It would have been hell, it would have been so violent she doesn't think anyone would have survived before it all blew up. If it were her, the beach against her back would be coal black from the burning of pure, seething rage.

 

Suspended in plethora, the thought of being one with another makes her stomach churn. With Ayanami and Shinji? Absolutely nauseating. She rather be split apart and crushed into pieces than be so embarrassingly self obsessed. 

 

Annoying, that she must stand on two legs contrapposto next to him. She can’t lock her knees and stay put while he bends his and runs away. Vile that she cant stand on her own, annoying he can’t walk away. Not anymore.

 

She thinks if she would be able to tear the fetus from the womb like Shinji did. Could her pride sink that low?

 

Choking her, she knows what he wants. Shinji wants her kicking, screaming, biting, idiot, idiot. IDIOT.

 

Would she be doing the same? If it were her, would she wrap her hands around Shinji’s throat, squeeze, because _why is it always him?_ _Reject me again idiot, lay there like a worm. If I have to stand with you to exist, I rather kill you. If I can’t exist on my own, I’ll just… I’ll just...I’ll just._

 

She wants to squeeze it between her fingers and watch it pop. She hates it. She'd imagine he'd struggle. 

 

His cheek is burning hot like coal and her fingers feel as if they are floating from her hand to his face.

 

The tears are like embers falling onto her, and she knows that he’s burning apart in flames for the first time in his miserable life. Insides blacking and curling into themselves as fire licks them into open, tender wounds.

 

At the edge of humanity's existence, he's still here.

  

She hates him. She hates everyone. She hates everything, and those things don’t exist anymore. Not really. She hates herself. It hurts for him to sit on her like this, so rude. But she hasn’t pushed him off. She would have done the same.

 

Asuka knows about his little masturbation fantasies.

 

“How disgusting”


End file.
